Secrets
by sushimaster1998
Summary: JJ and Mary Lisbon are the same person. A case brings JJ back to her hometown where she will have to face the demons of her past and perhaps have a chance to make good on her promise of "no secrets, nothing but the truth from now on".


That summer changed everything in young Mary's life. First, she no longer had siblings, and for a girl that grew up with four sisters that was a lot. Then she no longer lived with her parents. She lived in East Allegheny, Pennsylvania now. And last, her name was no longer Mary.

After their attempt at mass suicide things seemed to be better for Mary. She hated herself for feeling that way, but, at last she was away from that house, away from her parents, away from every little piece to the puzzle that made up their lives. She was different now.

Her aunt and uncle were very supportive. At first, she would shut herself off, never letting anyone in. Because if she did they would see her grief and the intense feelings of hatred and disappointment she had towards herself.

She had failed. And in failing herself she had failed her sisters.

She could no longer be Mary Lisbon. She would no longer be one of the Lisbon girls, she would no longer see the pity in everyone's eyes, she would become someone else. She would become someone innocent, unscarred untouched by death, whose thoughts had never driven them to do the unimaginable thing of attempting suicide.

Her aunt Sandy was a very understanding woman and she could tell what it was that her niece wanted, so she took her under her wing and allowed her into her family, raised her like her own daughter. She even let her change her last name to Jareau, her own last name and she gave her the name of Jennifer, so that she would be able to have a new start.

Jennifer Jareau finally put down the photo album she was holding. Touching the picture her father took of them just before homecoming for one last time she stood up and went to get ready. Days like these, when the anniversary of the Lisbon girl's death was so close, she more often than not caught herself wishing that they would be here, or that she could be with them, joining them in eternity.

She knew it was no use in fighting these thoughts, that they would still come and haunt her and that she would still feel guilty in the end. Now she had something, someone to fight for. With that thought she went into Henry's room to wake him up for school. God, he looked like Lux at that age. With his golden hair and blue eyes he reminded her of what she had lost and what she was still her to fight for.

"Come on buddy, time to wake up" she nearly whispered, easing him into a new day. Henry knew how his mom wasn't feeling well, he could see it. He was very compliant that morning which she was very grateful for.

Dropping him off to school she tried her best to go on with her everyday life, even if the anniversary of her sisters' deaths, nearly hers too, was so close.

She was on autopilot. JJ walked into the conference room holding a tray of coffees and sat at her usual spot, absentmindedly apologising for her lateness. Then she saw the looks on her colleagues' faces. This was going to be a long week.

She couldn't have imagined just how long.

Garcia, after what seemed an eternity, rushed through the doors, profusely apologising for being a total of 10 minutes late and describing in detail how she was planning on murdering the old man driving in front of her who would not let her Esther go as fast as lightning as she usually did.

"Right, my crime fighters, today you are going to Grosse Pointe, Michigan, because some sicko seems to have been sexually assaulting and murdering young girls." With one click the images of four, blonde, blue-eyed teenagers popped up. At that, the similarities were too uncanny for JJ to ignore. She was feeling dizzy and was suddenly very thankful that she was sitting down as the colour drained from her face.

"However the obvious similarities in the appearance are not the only connections between each of the victims." JJ knew it was coming and she couldn't, no matter how hard she tried to, prepare herself for it. She was in a room full of profilers, someone was bound to notice that she wasn't alright.

"The UnSub has posed them after death, at first making it look like they were actually suicides, only the ME later revealed that the girls were actually killed by an overdose on heroin and not in the ways they first suspected".

At that JJ bolted out of the room and straight to the ladies' room where she emptied her stomach of her half eaten breakfast. Soon after a very concerned Penelope Garcia was next to her, holding her hair and rubbing comforting circles on her back. Penelope knew that this case would hit close to home for the Kevlar wearing blonde. She knew of the suicide of the eldest Jareau sister. What she did not know was how an actual Jareau girl never existed and was only created by JJ to justify some of her reactions to cases involving suicides. She was no fool. She knew how dangerous it would be for her to be working next to the very best profilers and keep her old identity a secret.

"Sorry Pen. It's just that I haven't been feeling very well, Henry was sick the other day and now this…"

"Shh honey. I totally understand" or so she thought. One thing she also kept in common between her Jareau sister and her real sisters was their month of death. Penelope was all too familiar with what losing a person close to you could do to you, she had felt that with her parents, especially on or near anniversaries. They had also seen it in their line of work way too many times, with UnSubs losing it because of the memories that those anniversaries brought up with them.

The blonde was very close to tears and she was fighting a losing battle. Pen was no profiler but she had picked up some tricks along the way. Her friend has her hands clenched in fists and was refusing any physical contact, Penelope knew that Jay was nowhere near opening up and pushing her would do more harm than good so finally she said.

"I'll go now, maybe you should talk to Hotch, see if you can sit this one out? Everyone will understand." JJ however knew that this would not be the case. If there was even a possibility that this could be related to what had happened to her and her sisters all those years ago, she knew she would have to be there.

"Penelope thanks a lot, but you really don't need to be worried. I'm fine. I just need a minute and I'll come with you. Really I'm fine." The minute she used those words Penelope knew how bad this was, and it worried her even more, and the use of her full name, JJ was distancing herself. She was hiding something, and with the blonde, secrets never worked out, not with Emily's "death" and definitely not with her time in Afghanistan. She also knew that her friend was stubborn and wouldn't give in easily and she hoped for her friend's sake that this would do more good than harm to the woman she has come to respect and care so much about.

With that, Penelope walked back into the conference room, JJ joining them only to hear the "Wheels up in twenty" Hotch muttered.

She got her go bag and as soon as she entered the jet she walked into the far left corner, sitting alone, and drifting in thankfully uneventful sleep. This was going to be hard, just how much, even she herself had no idea.


End file.
